Today as any other Saturday I got up, finished my daily practice and went to teach my 9am Hatha Vinyasa class at Ropes Crossing. After class I grabbed a coffee and the girl was shocked to see me after so long and joked to say "Oh my its been so long.." and I said to her "yes I'm not a regular anymore" and she said "Oh I thought I wasn't working enough" :) we laughed, I grabbed my coffee and then came home to do some class planning.
It was then when I realised that it was too much of a beautiful day to be indoors and that I should head out to the Lakes. I also felt unsettled (could have been the coffee) but I was also ignoring a feeling of inner turmoil / unrest. I was finding it hard to put my finger on it, as to what was the root cause of my mental and emotional tension (as in which story) and as a result it was hard to focus on anything really but just continuing to stress on feeling stressed.
So I packed my diary and notepad and set an intention to find a way to regroup with myself at the Lake. A place I love to go regularly to connect to source and write. And this time I felt very scattered until I met my tree. :)
You see I have done this 2 hour walk several times but this time it felt like a completely new track. Each time I passed an old pathway I recalled memories of times I have spent with friends along it or how I was feeling the last time I had walked that way but I let my intuition guide the way today and the views and vibrations were absolutely amazing. Butterflies, Dragonflies, Lizards, Birds and Trees surrounded me. The sun was hot out and the breeze was just the perfect temperature on my skin. I was seeking myself though and it took a while for my nose to register the natural fragrances around me and my ears to hear the sounds individually and myself to feel the sounds and vibrations of all things under, over and around me. I was seeking union with the answer I sought, mentally and I was feeling quite emotionally unsettled because of the different directions I found my mental attention travel to.
Twenty minutes into the walk, I paid attention only on my sensory perceptions, I found my mental stories had dropped off. I came to a edge of a big rock and there was my tree. The tree was large and scaly from its bottom to about where its large branches grew out. This tree just drew me in, with its vibrant energy, it looked so dynamic with all that was going on, on it. About 70% of this tree was rough, peeling bark, aged but it seemed that at each portion (going upward toward its branches) its state of dry bark was different. When I looked closer the branches were fresh and young big log like branches with other younger ones growing off them some green leaves. Below them were areas where the tree had red sappy areas which looked like to me were areas the tree had recently been peeling off and had started a new cycle of shedding its old skin.
I sat there for at least 30 minutes observing the tree from bottom (as far down as my eyes would reach from the edge of the rock I sat on) to its top. I then closed my eyes and placed my palms up on my knees, sitting cross legged and just sat quietly.
A happy realisation arrived. I felt so thankful. I realised that I am a tree. This is what I wrote down on my notepad: I am this tree that has fresh branches growing and has dead skin to shed and also fresh wounds and scars to let heal in its own time. I am a modern conscious woman and keep stepping into my holistic life purpose and path. My life body is just like this tree. While there is so much dead and rough bark on the bottom, it stands for old wisdom and strength that I grow with and support my new growing or developing areas in life. While also shedding and letting go old bark and skin and stories that once gave me strength but now have aged and need to drop off. There were parts of the tree that looked wounded with fresh sap falling and I realised that I too have parts of me feeling vulnerable and open and sensitive but that is all a part of being and seeing the holistic self.
This tree stood tall, beautiful and strong, healthy and bright. Really inspired me to feel focused on my own dynamic life body and that it is very okay for me to NOT feel together all the time - unhurt, raw or strong in areas and really strong, skilled, beautiful, in power in many. Life body is a dynamic body and in it there is a large spectrum of experiences, which sometimes when the mind is unfocused can lead to a feeling of hopelessness or even being lost.
Wishing you a very happy Saturday everyone.
I am feeling much at peace now and as you can see, that mindful and reflective living can be quite a joyful way of living life. Sometimes all it takes is a sense of self-care, a little skill in meditating and initiative to go outside the box when life gets tense.
If you liked reading this and like the way I think. I teach meditation and mindfulness at Parramatta Community College. Classes resume next term again. Check into their website to enrol. I also teach yoga in various communities under the name Seva Yoga. Come along to a class.
Namaste & Love of Yoga to you